Children need their father as much as their mother. No parent is more worthy of time from their children, just as every child deserves the love of both parents.
Relationships end. Hurt ensues. Kids can be caught in the waves of emotion that follow. Our goal as parents is to love, nurture and protect our children at all costs. In our minds we claim we would die for them, so why do we let our pain affect them?
I live daily with the guilt of choosing the wrong father for my children. Not because of the suffering I experienced for all those years, but because they deserved continuous love from the man in their life… An emotion taken from them when the monster was locked in a cage.
He did that. He allowed himself to do things that took him away from their world. He wasn’t thinking of them, or making them the priority they deserve to be, he was consumed with himself. Compound that with the decision to hurt women and children existing in the everyday lives of his own kids, was a nail in his coffin in the eyes of his children.
Yes, our kids are entitled to both parents, but not when all the parent can offer is pain and fear.
My words may sound like a contradiction, so allow me to clarify. Your pain is not a factor in whether your children deserve both parents in their lives… Their pain is.
I only wish I had given them more. Their life would have been without chaos if the man had turned out as only a monster in my eyes… A cheat, a liar, a thief, a workaholic… Many reasons an image can be tarnished in your eyes, but may have no effect on the way they love their children. Instead I offered them a monster that preys on the weak, innocent, and loved ones in their lives.
So if you have a good man or woman in your life, that you just couldn’t love anymore, please don’t pass your hurt to your children and use your pain to punish the other parent. Always do what’s best for your kids. That shows you put them above all else, most importantly… Yourself.